life ain't all roses, time for a new chapter

6/26/2012 --

In life, I'm amazed at how things can get so f*cked up, then slowly fall into the right place. As I was uploading pictures from seven years ago, I could hardly understand what I was feeling about my past self. I didn't know if I hate or miss her. Yeah, it must mean that I have changed a lot. From being this spunky, bubbly, over-friendly girl who didn't think that backstabbing and malicious thoughts are so common, I can't help but change into someone shy, cautious, awkward, paranoid, and depressive. Remembering the past feels like turning scars into freshly opened wounds. 

The thing about detractors is that they spread false rumours about you, until you start to doubt yourself if you're really like that, that is, if you are not strong like me. But then again I was young and too innocent at that time, so I let them influence me into thinking of myself as the bad person. At first I was fighting then just got so sick of everything, so I quit, then became paranoid of some people, destroying some "friendly relationships" in the process. After that came the withdrawal and depressive episodes. It was like that for a few years, until I met some of the sincerest people in this field. Knowing and being with them helped me a lot, but up until now, I still don't know who I really am. 

I thank our Creator for leading me here. A decade ago, I would have deemed impossible all that I'm experiencing right now. But now I am here, feeling like I've been given this new life. I'll be wasting this chance if I allow my past to haunt me continuously.