inspired, yearning and defying

3/16/12 -- 

Dealing with contradictory feelings is tough, and it can come to a point when it feels like it's tearing your insides apart.


I felt this gnawing pain in my chest today. At first I thought that it's just that time of the month when I just feel so down and low. Earlier, I was in a moment which, ten years ago I would have never deemed possible. But here I am - shocked, awe-struck, inspired. Being surrounded by greatness and excellence, I suddenly felt so irrelevant up to the point where I questioned my purpose and existence in this world. Since I knew that thinking and wallowing in these negative emotions can eat me alive, I tried stopping them in their tracks and tried to focus on the positive feeling. I chose to dwell in inspiration.


Someday, I sincerely wish that I'll be the one who'll inspire others the way this wonderful bunch of people inspire me. Now I know that the gnawing pain I felt wasn't depression, it was a certain yearning to become somebody. It's like lighting a fire in the center of your soul, wanting to burst into flames with desire to make a mark in this world.

I love these amazingly wonderful people who've been so sincere and kind to me. And I want to be able to "pay it forward" to the next generation. And so now, I'm back to working my butt off "to be."

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!

What an appropriate song from Wicked. :)